10/2

i envisioned myself that way

upholding the standard personally set

gambled against myself

came up short

sulking in regret

i questioned my power 

when my worthiness was not 

living by the final hour

assumed i was already in hell

until You knocked

CMXXIX

29 on the 29th,

thanking my God for another year of life

ascension

four to five sips later

i'm analyzing,

let's go back 20 years and discuss

the incidents that influenced my hatred of life,

of people, of existence at all,

i'm being sarcastic but for real,

my mind does that,

to be fair, i must admit that i think myself into depression,

i make myself fear something that is truly joyous,

made to inspire me 

i search for ways to destroy it

when things are just too good,

i fear that something tragic is going break that cycle,

unfortunately, that "tragic" thing is ME,

i think the worse and it happens,

i pray for good but wish to be right 

by preparing for the bad,

the mind is a dangerous thing,

consciously walking dead.

August 21, 2022

§

 

(re)introduction

So, I have this flaw

a notion born of shaky minds,

a hint of confrontation

is my cue to flee the crime

of broadcasting a murderous language

my reflection gives rage

in preparation of my tongue

enunciating curses.

§

i've decided to use this blog as a way to cope,

not really searching for answers to heal, 

just an outlet expressing hope,

where feelings have slowly declined,

trauma almost killed me,

i gave the devil my mind,

and stole it back,

anxiety attacks my system,

show empathy then dismiss them,

smile like a Sinner

transparent to a Saint

gullible in times of war

it's like He builds me up,

then humbles me with misery

claiming the peace I finally endured,

and here I am,

reminiscing,

Last September, 

a time I'll always remember,

Blessed I saw my 28th

instead of decaying 

honoring my desired fate,

at that time..

..i can't go off track

this moment was intended for introduction,

but I started thinking, 

allowing my memory to explore

long story short, 

i'm here for myself,

and for you, within the pages

i'm speaking what i feel is true,

if it resonates with you,

let God lead you where He needs to 

 

forgive me for my absence...

Occasionally, we maneuver with distinct intentions,

a routine designed to keep us leveled

the Holy Trinity

feeding our Spirit with prayers

and our Temple with natures healing herbs.

Oftentimes, we may fall off the mark

snuggled against ego

we stray from what has counseled our progress

advocating for the pieces of Us that have finally been placed within the puzzle

simpleminded, the pieces never matched

the picture was never constructed

we were so determined to upgrade who we are

that we misjudged ourselves

and our journey

we prayed over progress

had an appetizer of happiness 

and figured it was our main course..